It is 1:45 a.m. in a dimly lit bar with a monosyllabic name (such as 'Joe's', 'Smith,' or just 'Bar'). The crowd has dwindled down to the regulars who stare into the bottom of their empty glasses as if hoping to find the secret of life. Or at least someone to go home with them. There are the men with loosened ties, recently divorced women taking tequila shots, and who can forget, the 'couple' occupying the corner table (who will obviously find the secret of life in the nearest $70 motel room). Suddenly, the mood lightens with a familiar tune and every girl between the ages of 19 and 24 screams, "Oh my God! I loooooove this song!"
The girls gather into a circle in any available open space and begin "singing." To the onlookers of the bar, the performance consists of off-key shouting to the same four or five lyrics paired with drunken, gyrating Britney-esque dance moves. However, to each of these drunk girls, this is her moment to shine. This is her inner American Idol on display, this is her romantic comedy movie moment, this song is soooo her life right now. It is her Drunk Girl Anthem.
A Drunk Girl Performance is a beautiful thing to witness. Girls toss aside their pettiness for three sweet minutes to bond over the issues of womanhood. But certain requirements must be met. First, the lyrics must have easy-to-remember lyrics that have been branded in the minds of every girl. Also, the song must have a strong opening that is recognizable through the most intense fogs of intoxication. Most importantly, the song must have some uplifting message of independence and empowerment. With the clear understanding of these simple requirements, I give you the top five Drunk Girl Anthems.
5. At first, I was afraid, I was petrified ... "I Will Survive"
Lyrics: "I / I will survive / as long as I know how to love I know I will stay alive / I've got all my life to live / and I've got all my love to give / I will survive"
This is an oldie, but a goody. It touches the hearts of every girl post-breakup, mid-breakup, or about to graduate Fordham without a potential job in sight. Without fail, every girl has a particular guy in mind when singing this song. On rare, but delightful occasions, that particular guy may even be present in the bar! This allows for great relationship drama laced with finger pointing and even furious 'walks out the door.'
Annoying Factor: no one really knows the lyrics besides the three words that will be repeated
4. Life is a mystery .... "Like a Prayer"
Lyrics: "When you call my name / it's like a little prayer / I'm down on my knees / I wanna take you there"
Break out the rosary beads for this one, girls! No one is better known for girl power messages than the Material Girl. In light of our strong Jesuit ideals, singing this classic should really count towards our theology requirement. It is, after all, about the holy nature of love and has absolutely no sexual undertone.
Annoying Factor: there are a few high octave notes that should never be attempted sober, let alone when alcohol has seeped in to cause tone deafness
3. Love is like a bomb ... "Pour Some Sugar on Me"
Lyrics: "Pour some sugar on me / ooh, in the name of love / I'm hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet, yeah"
For anyone with a fetish for confections, this is the song to indulge in your fantasy. For drunk girls, it is their practice audition for the next Pussycat Dolls reality show. Hopefully, they will catch the eyes of some creepy, old man in flannel who will replenish their self-esteem and buy them amaretto sours. However, word to the wise, don't feel inspired to douse yourself with your sweet drink. You will not be hot, but merely sticky and drenched from your head to your feet. Yeah.
Annoying Factor: things can get a little ugly when some girls decide to use props for their performances, nearby poles or bar tops may be violated
2. Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world ... "Don't Stop Believing"
Lyrics: "Don't stop believing / hold onto the feeling / streetlight people "
No one knows how to power ballad like a big-haired band from the 70s. Journey is a token bar tune that transcends gender lines, an anthem for both girls and guys. Its appeal is in its unbelievable power to unite drinkers of all ages. Let's face it, no one in college or most bars at 2 a.m. knows what they are believing in general. All they know is, they must intensely pump clenched fists into the air, hold onto the feeling, and drink another cold one. It's the perfect existential song to lead to alcoholism.
Annoying Factor: be cautious around strangers as the power of this song could cause inappropriate hugging, grabbing or touching
1. Here's the thing, we started out friends ... "Since You've been Gone"
Lyrics: "Since you've been gone / I can breathe for the first time / I'm so moving on / Yeah, yeah / thanks to you / now I get / what I want"
The impact of this song has changed the art of breaking up forever. No longer do girls sob into wads of tissues with two-day old smears of Ben and Jerry's on their faces while watching all the deleted scenes of the "The Notebook" over and over again. Instead, they can display the utmost emotional maturity by starting a girls-only mosh pit in public places without being arrested. Thank you Kelly Clarkson, for giving girls across the nation a reason to drink, bond, and move on. Correction, we're "sooo moving on."
Annoying Factor: none, this song is currently in my iPod on "Repeat"
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